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Narrative on this post (004)

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This ever-expanding piece has a number of weaknesses. There is no real plot at this point, the characters feel rather two-dimensional, and much of the events that have drawn out emotional intensity have either been mentioned in passing or have occurred in the past ... which highlights the current problem with the whole piece - it is almost entirely a "told" piece and not enough of a "shown" piece. Part of this is conveyed in a completed lack of dialog and part of it deals with the fact that even some of the more powerful verbs are described indirectly. Simply put - characters are described as having done something instead of described as doing them.

In addition, although there is character development, it is done primarily in an accidental way. We know that both girls are students and just recently learned of the college - the purpose of introducing the college is clearly placed to explain why the two are in the house at the same time ... but why use a college? Sure, they are both students, but they don't necessarily need to be attending the same college. They certainly didn't need to be taking any of the same classes to have "met." Likewise, there seems to be an implicit conflict between the two girls, but that is not developed in the slightest, save for being mentioned in passing.

The house and the lake both appear to be "characters" in the story ... but to what end? Are the characters going to be so thinly drawn that the depth and breadth of our "human-interest" story will be conveyed over time through the house? Will the house and lake "talk", using the people as the medium through which their "secret" communiques get transferred? How about an element of intentionally engrossing aspects? At this point, I'm simply waiting for the other shoe to drop ... and I'm the one writing it!

One of the things you will find, as the author, is that you may be hyper-critical of the writing. When a less-personal eye views the material, they might agree with the various in which I find this story is lacking. They might find other things to disagree with or discern as weak points. Or, they may find the piece a true work of art. Regardless, it is important that you finish what you started. If you started weak, improve! If you started strong, keep it up! And if you seem to be meandering in some way that is effectually luke-warm in expression - use it to your advantage! Maybe the "actual" source of the monologue is a voice-over of one of the existing characters. Maybe everyone in the story has been dead for years and so these are thoughts and words from a journal discovered on some beach (perhaps near the lake?) Maybe this is a describe of real events that have happened, and so the problem is not in the lack of pacing or flow in the story - the problem is in the way it is presented. Regardless, don't use any of these weaknesses (or any others) as a reason to stop. If you must fix things, fix them after you've got a completed draft. This includes the addition of dialogue, onomatopoeia, details, or depth. It includes how many and what kinds of details you include. And it includes what you haven't included. Everything matters, and in a Nanowrimo challenge, the focus should be on whipping out as much information as possible. Edit later.

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Narrative on this post (004)